One of the most powerful skills of a personal coach is the ability to listen without judgment. In other words, it was a challenge to not be judgmental. When I first learned this years ago, it stretched me. I think it is natural to form an opinion about information we receive, but judgment occurs when we proclaim our opinion the truth, and make accusations of the offender, even when we don’t have enough information to come to a definite conclusion. By becoming aware of this tendency, you can change it. When you do, you’ll notice yourself connecting with people more authentically and learning valuable information. You will find that as others feel heard, they are also more open to hearing you.
Try this. The next time you feel yourself tempted to be judgmental, instead, be curious. Rather than deciding you know their motives, intentions or backstory, withhold those judgments and listen. The only way to really build bridges is to refuse to jump to conclusions and instead be curious. How?
- Be curious by asking questions of yourself.
Why do you suppose they did/said/feel that?
How does that affect me, if at all?
Why does it bother me?
What could I learn from this person or situation?
- Be curious by asking questions of others.
Hmm. Tell me more about that?
I’ve never been in those shoes before. How are you feeling?
What makes you say that?
Or say nothing at all. Let them talk and just listen.
You can learn so much by turning away from judgment and towards curiosity. By asking powerful questions – of yourself and others – you often gain an unexpected perspective or a new piece of information that provides insight you would not otherwise get. You build trust. And you open the door to greater connection, influence and peace.
