“Don’t settle.” It is advice I’ve shared often. I believe that when it comes to your biggest dreams, when you stop hoping, you start settling. But that standard doesn’t apply to every area of your life. It may sound counterintuitive, but sometimes, you need to settle. In fact, global research on happiness shows that the very happiest people have lower expectations about what they believe their lives should look like. It isn’t that they have low expectations. It isn’t that they are unambitious. It is that their expectations do not constantly outpace their reality, whether they are trying to get the housework done or land the big client. When continuing to strive for something more or better steals energy that would be better used for a higher priority, it’s time to settle. It’s strategic. You only have so many personal resources and energy.
When it comes to what you want and need for the most meaningful parts of your life – a career, a spouse, what part of the country (or world!) you want to live in – set high standards and go for it. But perfectionism and endless ambition come at a price, and the reward is rarely as sweet as you had imagined. The ideal approach is called “satisficing” – set a minimum standard for accomplishing the task at hand and when you reach it, move on. Don’t worry about whether it could be better/cheaper/faster. Consider it “good enough.”
Be willing to relax a little when it comes to your expectations about things that don’t impact your main priorities. Will you have to turn over your “good housekeeping card” if everything doesn’t get straightened up before bedtime? Will the project come to a halt if you don’t revise that report for the fifteenth time before sending it off? Probably not. You’ve only got so much energy. Conserve it for the goals that matter most. Choose happiness over perfection.
My challenge to you this week:
Identify one area where you may be spending energy that could be better conserved for higher priorities.
Journaling assignment:
In what way(s) is perfection or endless ambition stealing your joy? Did you grow up learning that you should “never settle”? In what area(s) of your life is important to never settle? In what area(s) of your life will settling give you more time and energy for what matters most?
