Do you tend to beat yourself up when you make a mistake or don’t get things just right?

This is the fourth of a six-part video series on coaching yourself with the right questions. I’ve been getting questions from some of you, and this week I was asked: 

“I’m pretty hard on myself. In many ways, it’s gotten me to where I am because I work really hard. But then I never feel like I’ve done enough. I end up beating myself up for not doing more – whether for my job, my kids, my spouse, even committees I volunteer on! It’s ridiculous. I’m not hard on other people, just myself, and it’s taking a toll on my ability to feel content and happy with myself. How can I learn to not be so hard on myself so that I can’t relax and enjoy where I am?”

This is actually not an unusual problem. Many of us have probably felt this way before. So how do we find the right answer to this problem? 

Coach yourself with one of my favorite questions:

If your best friend was going through the challenge you face, how would you treat them and what would you say to them?

Think back to the most recent time you were hard on yourself or beating yourself up. How would the things you say to yourself be different if you were saying them to your best friend?

If you’re encouraging and kind to the people who you care about, can you be a friend to yourself the way that you are a friend to others? 

Self-compassion lowers our stress levels and re-energizes us, which causes us to feel more motivated. In fact, studies have shown self-compassion to be more important than self-esteem when it comes to motivation.

Start by talking nicely to yourself when things are hard. You deserve kind words and encouragement. 

If you’ve ever pondered the idea of self-coaching as a tool for your personal growth, check out a free course I created called How to Coach Yourself at ValorieBurton.com. If you’re ready to be supported month by month in a community focused on personal growth, check out the Successful Women’s Academy (SWA) at valorieburton.com. And remember, where you go is determined by how much you are willing to grow. Coaching is a process that can help you grow consistently and intentionally into the full potential in every area of your life.

Coach Yourself

If your best friend was going through the challenge you face, how would you treat them and what would you say to them?