When I started researching about the subject of confidence for my latest book Successful Women Speak Differently, I ran across an intriguing statistic: Perfectionism is mostly a women’s issue. And it causes us to hesitate when it’s time to move forward. We too often believe we are not yet “ready,” so we hold out on taking risks while we attempt to get everything lined up in perfect order.

It also saps our joy as we obsess over how we are doing at work, at home, in our relationships, with our weight, our hair, our kids. No time to relax. There’s always more work to do to make things just right.

You might even wear perfectionism like a badge of honor. “I’m a perfectionist.” And if you haven’t said it, you’ve certainly heard someone close to you say it. Next time you’re tempted to embrace your perfectionism or banter lightheartedly about it with a friend or colleague, consider this: Perfectionism is self-sabotage. It’s fear.

While we talk about perfectionism as a habit motivated by hard work, high quality and conscientiousness, the real motivation is fear. Perfectionism often causes us to procrastinate and hesitate? Why? Because it tells us that whatever we’ve done, it will never be good enough. Keep working at it. It’s not good enough yet. You’re not there yet. But what are you really afraid of when your best is never quite good enough? Rejection. Disapproval. The disappointment of ‘failure.’

What’s your alternative to perfectionism? Excellence. There’s a big difference between excellence and perfectionism. Excellence sets a high standard, but not so high that it impedes progress. Perfectionism sets an improbable and unsustainable standard that slows progress or brings it to a halt. Excellence is a value, a way of life. Perfectionism is a judgment, a critical spirit that is rarely, if ever, satisfied.

You’ll know whether you are in a mode of perfectionism or excellence by the energy you feel. The energy of perfectionism is criticism, doubt, and discontentment. The energy of excellence is hope, possibility and growth. Excellence is about the journey to your destination – what you discover, how you grow, who takes the journey with you. If you’re comparing yourself to everyone else, you’re operating in perfectionism. If you’re focused on being the best version of yourself, you’re operating in excellence.

So when you feel the anxiety of perfectionism creeping in, you can make a mental switch from perfectionism to excellence with these questions:

  • What have I done well that I can acknowledge and celebrate even if I feel like I’m “not ready yet” or “not done yet”?
  • What good thing could happen if I decided that what I’ve done already is enough and move on to the next step?
  • What is my minimum standard for excellence? In other words, what is my definition of “good enough”?
  • What would happen if instead of fearing my efforts are not good enough, I had the courage to believe I am good enough right now, today?
  • How could I have more fun while doing this?
  • How do I want to grow as a result of this task?