Relaxation is largely mental. So when it is time to relax, it is about your approach to your life in general. For many women there is a persistent feeling that they have not yet arrived. Somehow they missed the boat, or there is something more they need to do, or there is a decision that needs to be made. They are stuck on the “I’ll be happy when” treadmill. But it is about learning to “be happy while.”
What would it look like to accept “what is”? We can spend so much of our energy pushing uphill against what is. You may wonder, “What is ‘what is’?” What is, is reality. It is the inevitable. It is the situation you wish were not in existence. It is the fact that: You would prefer it if someone else was your boss … you wish that bad habit your spouse has would go away … your career is off track. It is the divorce you didn’t want, the health challenge that burdens you, and the life that hasn’t turned out quite the way you planned it.
When you resist “what is,” you live in a state of denial and anxiety. You focus your energy trying to control what is beyond your control. You spend countless days and hours focused on why it shouldn’t be this way. Frustration takes over. Anger prevails. You may even hide reality to avoid facing it. Rather than letting people in on your disappointment, you keep it entirely to yourself.
You may even set out to prove that “what is” really isn’t. Rather than coming up with a plan to get your career back on track, you pretend to the world that everything is fine. Instead of making the most of the life you have left, you spend most of your energy lamenting the fact that things are not where you believe they should be. Instead of accepting a loved one right where he is, you spend your energy trying to make him change. In essence, you never relax. You are always living in a state of waiting until things come together the way you want them to.
What if you stopped pushing against the inevitable and trust your ability to handle reality? What would you do differently then? When you make that shift, it feels like releasing a heavy burden from your shoulders. It feels authentic. And let me be clear: It feels scary. At first. But if you embrace reality – finally, truly embrace where you are right now – you can relax and begin to find the courage to confront your greatest fears. You can finally move forward. You can live authentically – not in denial or fear, but in acceptance and faith and love. You cast your cares, trusting that all things indeed will work together for your good.
What is your “what is” right now? What would it look like to accept what is? What reality do you resist?
