Women of all ages are happier when they feel attractive, according to research. But unless you learn first to like you, just as you are , feeling truly attractive will be a challenge.
For years, I did not like my hair. I did everything I could to straighten it, lengthen it, weave it. When I decided to go natural in 2008, it was a result of a conversation I’d had with a British male friend years earlier who posed a question to me after asking if I could do my hair like singer Macy Gray. She was new on the scene at the time and when I went to her website and saw the natural ‘fro she was rocking, I laughed hysterically at the fact that he thought my hair would do that.
“No,” I explained. “My hair is relaxed.”
Not having a clue what that meant, he probed further. “Relaxed?” he said curiously. “Is your hair uptight?”
I almost fell out of my chair. “You could say that,” I responded. “I use chemicals to straighten it.”
He was intrigued. “So is that what all black women do or is that just something you do?”
“Most black women with straight hair did something to straighten it,” I explained. Then he asked a question that stuck with me for years:
“Why don’t you just wear it the way it grows out of your head?”
Hmm. Good question. I was immediately defensive. I told him it was easier straightened and he wouldn’t understand. But that one straightforward question led me on an inner journey to discover what my natural hair was like. It had been relaxed since I was six years old. When you live next to the beach, the humidity is a bear. And to be honest, I didn’t think it was acceptable to wear my kinky-curly hair. That’s the message I’d heard pretty much all my life.
Nearly eight years passed before I finally had the courage to go natural. When I finally started wearing it the way it grows out of my head, it felt good. It made me happier when I looked in the mirror. For the first time as an adult, I actually loved my hair. For the first time, I realized what my own hair looked like! Whether it is our hair or thighs or nose or size, it seems women are much harder on themselves about their looks than men. But then, so is our culture. Women in television news have careers that often don’t make it past 50, while men do. Female actresses see fewer leading roles as they get older. Women in positions of power are routinely judged by their hair, weight and wardrobe choices. This is rarely the case for men.
Men are called “distinguished” when they get gray hair and get wrinkles. Women are told to cover the gray and use anti-aging products.
Research says that as men get older, their happiness continues an upward trend, but as women get older they become sadder. I can’t help but wonder if a part of that equation is the pressure to surrounding our looks. What do you think? Leave your comments below!
This post is an excerpt from my forthcoming book, Happy Women Live Better : 13 Ways to Trigger Your Happiness Every Day. Pre-Order your copy today here: http://bit.ly/15RmbtL
