I shared with you on Tuesday that I’m right smack in the middle of my manuscript for my new book, Happy Women Live Better: 13 Ways to Trigger Your Happiness Every Day (coming October 1st!). As promised, I’m sharing some little pieces from the book with you. In addition to the 13 happiness triggers, I have some conversation starters to get you all talking about the common myths and cultural issues that impact our happiness. I want your feedback and comments!
High expectations and stress of being a woman in the 21st century
- How do you define having it all?
- Do you ever feel like you are behind in life, as though you somehow missed the boat and are trying to catch up? In what way?
- What would it take for you to choose happiness right now, even if you can’t currently check off all of the expectations on your “having it all” list?
At some point, the message of the women’s movement may have shifted from, “You can have it all” to “You should have it all.” It became an expectation. And it’s a lot of pressure. So you could be doing just great – perhaps you’re raising your kids, and doing a good job, but you left the workplace to focus on your family. “I feel like I’m behind,” one mother of six told me. “I mean, I wanted to write a book by now. I just don’t have much by way of career accomplishments,” she explained. I sat across the table, baffled. She had a successful marriage of 20 years and six respectful, healthy, happy children. What an accomplishment! And yet, she felt the weight of the expectation to have it all – and all at the same time. Here’s the “all” most women today have been taught and believe they are supposed to achieve:
What is “having it all”?
- Successful career
- Adoring, handsome, successful husband
- Cute, admirable children
- Flawless looks
- Financial abundance
- Domestic perfection
- Happiness
You should have it all, right? I’m sure you got the memo. We all got it. Bring home the bacon. Fry it up in a pan. And never let him forget he’s the man. Oh. And might I add – wear the perfect shade of lipstick, make sure your hair is flawless, and your outfit fabulous while you’re frying up that bacon. And the kids – don’t forget the kids! You need to have them – and they should be cute and well-behaved. And you should be happy. This is a persistent message, and many women attempt to live up to it, but fall short in one or more areas, ending up feeling as though they have failed.
The most important question is, “What does having it all mean to you?” In other words, what kind of life are you uniquely called to live? What will actually make you happy? That’s a different question than “Am I living up to an ideal that does or does not suit me?” Leave your comments below, I want to hear from you!
