So just how resilient are you? This morning I was on the Today Show with the fabulous Kathie Lee and Hoda Kotb discussing how to reduce our stress levels when juggling a ridiculous amount of demands. In today’s culture and economy, resilience is the key to success and happiness in the ever-increasing stressors:

  • A shrinking workforce means employees are expected to do more work with fewer resources.
  • Layoffs and furloughs have meant many singles and families are facing unprecedented financial stress. 
  • Demanding kid schedules, single parenting and dual-worker households have increased family stress.
  • And many adults – especially Gen X and Baby Boomers – find themselves caregiving to both their children and parents simultaneously.
    • Divorce rates among parents of Gen X’ers and younger Baby Boomers has also created additional stress because children are left responsible for each of their single, aging parents. Rather the parents having a spouse to take care of them, an increasing number are growing old alone, relying on children as caregivers.
    • More women are caught in the sandwich generation stress because women are more likely to serve as the caregiver, both for children as well as for aging or sick parents
    • I had this experience personally at age 28 when my mother had a massive brain aneurysm and my brother was 8 years old at the time. I cared for my mother after a two-month stay in the hospital and the loss of her ability to speak, walk, swallow, or see, and cared for my brother simultaneously.

Check out these habits from my latest book Successful Women Think Differently, that will increase your resilience when dealing with these stressors:

 Don’t go it alone.

  • Pride keeps many from asking for help, but resilient people reach out. Find specific tasks or activities that would help alleviate some of the pressure. For example, can someone keep the kids one night per week? Can a sibling who doesn’t normally help take a parent to a doctor’s appointment? Can you afford to get paid help?
  • Find a support group of others with similar experiences. Connect. Talk. Share ideas for alleviating stress.
  • Be authentic. Authenticity is a hallmark of resilience. You don’t extra credit for trying to be Superwoman. Tell someone when you need help.

 Focus on solutions, not problems.

  • Expect obstacles and challenges, and have a plan to overcome them. Identify your biggest stressors – and rather than ruminating about the problem, focus your energy on finding a solution.
  • When stressed, it’s easy to over-focus on the problem. That only increases the perception of stress.

 Make sure your thoughts are helping you, not hurting you.

  • Resilience is about how you think and what you tell yourself about your challenges and stress.  What are you saying to yourself about your situation?
  • Become aware of your thoughts. (i.e., “Life is unfair. Nobody ever wants to help me.”) and ask yourself, are my thoughts decreasing my stress or reducing it?
  • If your thoughts are stressing you, replace them with new ones. (i.e., “Sometimes life is unfair, but I have the strength to persevere.” “I am grateful for the help I have, and I openly seek and welcome more help.”)

 Cultivate positive emotion.

  • Research shows that positive emotion expands your ability to deal with adversity and stress.
  • When you are stressed, laughter, fun and positive emotion or more important than ever.
  • Take fun breaks. Get exercise. When possible, incorporate lightheartedness into caregiving and childrearing.
  • Take breaks and savor each moment. This too shall pass.

 Lower (yes, lower!) your expectations.

  • You may not be able to do everything you did five or ten years ago. Choose to be OK with that.
  • Research actually shows that having lower expectations will make you happier. Sometimes it’s good to settle. This seems counterintuitive and almost un-American, but when you consider that expectations for what life should look like are higher than ever, this advice will decrease your stress level quickly. Forget about the new car, putting the kids in every activity, or keeping up with the Jones’. Make a decision to make the most of what is.

 

To order your copy of Successful Women Think Differently visit:  http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/successful-women-think-differently-valorie-burton/1103634965?ean=9780736938563