What's Holding You Back?

Valorie Burton is a bestselling author, speaker, and life coach dedicated
to helping you:

  • Be happier and have more fun, even when life seems routine.
  • Navigate setbacks or disappointments that make you better, not bitter.
  • Make a major life change that's exciting and scary at the same time.

Improve Your Relationship Instantly with Two Powerful Questions


What makes you feel loved and cared for by your spouse or significant other?  Maybe it’s a mid-day phone call to check in and see how you’re doing. Or surprising you with a little gift from your favorite store. Or helping you finish that household project you’ve been procrastinating on and just needed some encouragement to push you over the hump. Whatever the case, just thinking about what makes you feel cared for can make you feel good. It can also give you a really important piece of insight.

Often, we give our sweetheart what we want, but not what they want. And it’s easy not to notice when you’re missing the mark. In fact, you may put a great deal of effort into it and end up irritated because they just don’t seem to appreciate it the way you do. It can lead to a whole series of misunderstandings, and even resentment. But there is an easy fix. Ask them this question:

What is it that I do for you that makes you feel most loved, cared for and special in our relationship?

(If your relationship has been rocky lately, you might have to phrase it a little differently: What is it you wish I did more often to make you feel loved, cared for and special in our relationship?)

Ask the question and then listen. Don’t get defensive if the answer isn’t what you want to hear. Instead, listen with a loving ear and with the intention of giving your partner what they most want.  Listening is a powerful relationship tool. Acting on what we hear is even more powerful.


My challenge to you this week:

Ask your spouse or significant other what makes them feel loved and cared for. Then do it.


Journaling assignment:
What makes you feel loved and cared for? What makes your significant other feel loved and cared for? When will you do that for them? On an ongoing basis, what could you do to make it easier to be consistent about it?


Start Here, Start Now: 5 Minutes a Day to Love Better, Work Smarter, and Live Bolder


Leave your comments below. I’d love to hear from you!

Three Questions to Ask Before You Say “I DO”

Thinking about getting engaged?  Daydreaming about saying “I do”?  There are lots of questions to ask before you make a lifelong commitment, but here are three critical ones.  Before you say “I do” to a potential spouse, make sure you can say “I do” to these…


  1. If this person never changed, could you be content with him or her for the rest of your life?

You don’t marry the person your mate could potentially become.  You marry the person that he or she is.  Be brutally honest about his or her flaws (keeping in mind that you have them too!)  Then be honest with yourself.  Could you live with those flaws and faults if they never changed?  Most people don’t change much, so don’t count on it for your happiness


  1. Do you have a shared vision with your mate of your life together?

If you’re going to spend the rest of your journey through life with someone, you’d better make sure you both want to journey to the same place.  Do you share faith, friendships, and your dreams for the future?  Without a shared vision, you will eventually bump up against some serious issues.  In order to make it work, one of you may have to give up who you are in order to keep the relationship.  The better solution would be to find the right mate in the first place – one with whom you can share in a vision that brings joy, peace, and purpose to you as a couple.


  1. Do you love their character more than their career (or looks or money)?

Our culture tends to put more emphasis on what a person does for a living than who they are in character.  Don’t get caught up in the trap.  Pay attention to your mate’s everyday habits – does she lie?  Does he do what he says he will when he says he will?  Is she responsible?  How does he treat his family?  Is she respectful toward you, even when you disagree?  Does he have your back?


If you say “I do” to these three questions, you’re on the right track.  If not, slow down so you can make a wise decision about what you really want in a spouse.  Ask yourself the hard questions now and you could save yourself heartache later.


My challenge to you:

When it comes to marriage, refuse to enter hastily.  If there is any doubt, slow down.


Coach Yourself:

If your partner never changed, could you be content with him or her for the rest of your life?  Do you have a shared vision of your life together?  Are you more in love with who they are on the inside or what they are on the outside?